Popping Bubbles of Hate and Ignorance
I’m sitting at our kitchen table, staring at our Rainbow flag flying in the backyard (we also have a Progress Pride flag flying at the front of the house), thinking about the Club Q shooting in Colorado. Thinking about how hate personified invaded a space that should have been safe, that was expected to be safe. It’s hard not to imagine and worry about my loved ones and friends, who are part of this community, being in a similar situation.
Every time I hear a crass, opportunistic talking head or politician spreading misinformation and hate, further “othering” this community, to score points with viewers and voters, I think through all of the resulting chains of bigotry and violence that can happen. The darkest chains being those that lead to someone picking up an all to easily available semi-automatic rifle to rid the world of people they see as abominations.
A popular form of misinformation among the right is the gross misrepresentation of gender affirming care, like the outrageous and inflammatory claims recently made on Twitter by former Democratic U.S. Representative Tulsi Gabbard, turned the right’s new “High Inquisitor” Dolores Umbridge. Twisting data to the point a pretzel would blush, she claims that the radical “woke” agenda, being pushed on kids by healthcare professionals, social media, and of course the Biden administration, is brainwashing them into believing they’re transgender. I’m surprised she didn’t include public education and teachers’ unions in her list of pushers.
Let’s be clear, as pointed out in a recent Scientific American article, “[m]ajor medical organizations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, the Endocrine Society, the American Medical Association, the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association, have [all] published policy statements and guidelines on how to provide age-appropriate gender-affirming care. All of those medical societies find such care to be evidence-based and medically necessary.” ALL OF THEM.
And parents aren’t on one day hearing from their child that they might be questioning their gender identity, and the next taking them in for a major medical procedure. This is a long, collaborative process involving teams of different medical professionals, with minimum age requirements for different treatments and procedures, certain orders of progression, lots of therapy and self-reflection involved, etc. It doesn’t happen on a whim. Nor is there a preset endpoint or set sequence of events, as this is a discovery process of gender development, which will vary by individual. The data is also very clear that gender affirming care results in better mental and physical health outcomes. It saves lives. Period.
But most aren’t digging into the data and trying to understand the details. Many social conservatives going about their day to day, trapped in their Tucker Carlson and Brietbart bubbles, feed their own fear and uncertainty with a consistent diet of bigotry, hate, and white supremacy. That includes some members of our extended family, who might say they love our kids (both of whom are members of the LGTBQ+ community) while at the same time denying who they are as human beings. While supporting politicians who would legislate away their rights. While participating in social media threads that essentially call for violent acts against our kids, whom they claim to love.
[Fortunately, our immediate family on both sides is accepting and supportive. I’m so grateful for this.]
It makes it hard, even painful, to get together with those extended family members. It makes us angry and sad, so we haven’t interacted much over the last several years, in person or via social media. But I also know that these bubbles, which are breeding grounds for ignorance, hate, and othering, must be popped. Understanding and empathy are difficult to generate in isolation as I wrote for Salon back in 2016. To be a better ally I must look for and create opportunities to have these needed interactions with those I already have some relationship with.
However, that burden primarily lies with my wife and I. If our kids aren’t up to dealing with those relatives, they don’t need to. They have enough on their plate. Though we’re certainly there to support them when they want to engage directly.
Lawrence, KS, where I live, is opening a local chapter of PFLAG, an organization “… dedicated to supporting, educating, and advocating for LGBTQ+ people and their families.” Our family should likely consider joining the group, for support as well as to access resources that would likely help improve the success of such engagements. Not to mention helping us become better allies in general.
Because I’m still learning; being “woke” is more about the process of “waking up,” which in some ways never really ends. But Gabbard and others on the right are working hard to keep people asleep, trying to redefine woke as “radical” or “weak,” in an effort to maintain white, cisgender, heteronormative privilege and power. However, as
has previously stated, being woke isn’t weak. It’s empowering, elevating, and “… ultimately makes our communities, our country, and our world better for us all.”Increasing wokeness requires more one on one conversations or interactions in small groups, building on existing relationships to facilitate bubble popping. So we can see the humanity in each other, along with recognizing the common struggles and desires for happiness most of us share. This will help increase the perception of LGTBQ+ as normal. It will help gender fluidity, gender non-binary, transgender, intersex, and sexual orientation beyond heterosexuality all be seen as normal variations of the human condition. Seeing two people holding hands and stealing a kiss should give all of us the warm fuzzies, regardless who they are and how they present themselves.
Those of us who work in the AEC (architectural, engineering, and construction) Industry have unique opportunities to help normalize LGBTQ+ through our designs of the built environment and engagements with building owners and their communities. One area in particular is the design of all-gender or gender inclusive restrooms (both of these terms are preferred over gender neutral by many in the LGBTQ+ community).
This is an area of design rife with ignorance, misunderstanding, hostility, fear, variable cultural influences, and legal restrictions. It is our job as designers to be up to speed on the best practices out there (and engage other experts as necessary), the impacts of local, national, and international codes, and the relevant local, state, and national laws at play, some of which are outright hostile to the LGBTQ+ community.
We must also be capable of effectively engaging all of the relevant key stakeholders involved (including local LGBTQ+ community members), learning from stakeholders, educating as needed, facilitating stakeholders educating one another, guiding uncomfortable and difficult conversations, pushing back against ignorance and misinformation, and ultimately developing a socially just solution. As this is an issue in flux, we also need to help our clients and key stakeholders see that the final solution landed on may again need revision 6 months, a year, or 5 years from now.
One big decision that must often be made is whether to only use gender inclusive restrooms or include a mix of gender inclusive and “male/female” restrooms. The former is preferred, but cultural factors, ignorance, fear, and sometimes legislation, lead to the latter (or worse, no gender inclusive restrooms).
In schools, when the latter solution is adopted, transgender, agender, or gender fluid students often feel the spotlight is on them using the typically fewer number of gender inclusive restrooms. For students who have yet to come out, this is particularly problematic. Having less of these scattered across a large high school can also increase the likelihood of a student being late to class if they must traverse a long distance (further singling them out). And if the latter option is available, many trans students would prefer to just use the restroom associated with the gender they identify with (assuming actual or perceived bullying and harassment aren’t an issue).
Regardless of the specific options chosen, it’s critical the restrooms be kept clean all day. The male restrooms and all gender restrooms on average get messier at a faster rate than the female restrooms. This, along with the previously discussed issues, also leads to student avoidance of restroom use, which can negatively impact both health (via “holding it” and dehydrating oneself to limit the need for urination) and learning. Most of the above reasons (restroom cleanliness, feeling singled out, being late to class, and fear of bullying to a lesser degree) are why my youngest avoids using the restrooms during the day at his high school (which has both options).
Airport terminals are another area where this comes in to play, and I recently made several related schematic phase comments for a terminal project that we’re providing commissioning design reviews for. One of the comments made concerned the location of nursing rooms, each sharing a common entry way with an associated female restroom block.
There are multiple problems with this location, but from a gender perspective, transgender men who need to use the nursing room (yes, trans men can and do have babies) must access the door through the common entryway shared with an associated female restroom. This creates additional unnecessary awkwardness on top of the “built-in” awkwardness resulting from the cultural association of nursing rooms with the female gender. It could even lead to angry confrontations among patrons. Locating the nursing room separate from the restrooms would be preferable (or transitioning away from male/female restrooms to using only all-gender restrooms).
If we believe in inclusive design, we must have these conversations on every project we’re involved with, from planning through post occupancy evaluations, as difficult as those conversations sometimes may be. And in our personal lives, we should be engaging those we have existing relationships with. We must keep popping bubbles. Further increasing LGBTQ+’s normativity will go a long way to reducing this community being the target of hate, bigotry and violence. It will help safe places remain safe. It will help the world itself becomes a safe place.
So, so important. Thank you.