Rise of the Republican Invertebrates
A fascinatingly parasitic and cowardly creature, poisonous for representative democracy.
The grand tapestry of life on this planet is made up of roughly 1.37 million known species of animals. Of that 1.37 million, roughly 1.3 million consist of invertebrates. Meaning 97% of animal species currently living on Earth amazingly don’t have a backbone. They may have tentacles, less complex nervous systems, hard shells, or even pressed suits, but no backbone.
One of the oddest and frankly pretty useless (evolutionarily speaking) invertebrate species currently known is the parasitic U.S. Republican politician. Also known as the GOP (“Grand” Old Party) politician, the conservative politician, or the MAGA (Make America “Great” “Again”) politician, this creature is considered the archetype species for the cowardly lion trait among invertebrates.
Their clever use of pressed suits and other forms of layered clothing enable an upright posture and the ability to blend in with similarly looking, but evolutionarily unrelated, vertebrate species, such as homo sapiens (analogous vs homologous similarities). Such chameleon-like capabilities are useful for invasively proliferating in democratic environments to feed off of various common pool resources as well as suckle at the breasts of more powerful, wealthy members of their species. And throwing their constituents under the bus is a clear example of the classic defector move we see in evolutionary game theory.
For example, below we see one type of invertebrate Republican politician, the Michigan Suck-Up variety, using prepared remarks to publicly dismiss constituent concerns regarding an unelected billionaire rifling through their personal information and willy-nilly breaking the government (a performance given without their constituents directly present). This suckling at the breast behavior can be seen in the spineless Republican politician’s use of said billionaire’s own terminology - bloated status quo, getting our country back on track, orchestrated outrage, it’s not going to be easy, and buckle up. Clearly fawning for the billionaire and dear leader while out of earshot of its own constituents. Spinelessness is so conducive to defecting behavior.
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The lack of a backbone also affords spineless Republican politicians the ability to twist themselves into a wide range of shapes in the accomplishment of their goals (which typically involves avoiding having to stand up for anything). Here we see a South Carolina Two-Face variety twist itself into a u-shape as it does an about face in its support of President Zelenskyy of Ukraine. And its able to do this within a span of only two weeks! Nature can be amazing and frightening in its degree of treacherousness.
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This rapid morphing ability is a key survival trait for appeasing more powerful parasitic Republican politicians (as the above behavior exemplifies) while saying whatever is needed (no matter how outrageous or nonsensical) to confuse and/or justify their actions to large numbers of constituents. Spinelessness is highly effective for regurgitating, in the moment, whatever MAGA talking point is needed to politically survive. It’s a critical trait for defending such things as betraying allies, changing the world order, undermining democracy, promoting authoritarianism and dictators, shredding the constitution, increasing the wealth gap, and the list goes on.
In environments where invertebrate GOP politicians are in the super majority, they will often use those numbers to avoid putting themselves at risk by speaking out in support of controversial bills, such as fascist / Nazi-like legislation targeting trans youth and the trans community (while still voting for them in the end). One such bill in Kansas recently banned gender affirming care for individuals less than 19 years of age.
In the video below, which shows a recent “debate” on the Kansas House floor whether or not to override the governor’s veto of this bill, none of the large number of Republican Yellow-Belly variants present spoke out in favor of doing so (except for the carrier who must, and did so only briefly). This is a really vivid example of how adaptive the lack of backbone can be for this species, particularly when present in large numbers. They’re able to maintain their cowardice even when faced with attacks on vulnerable children. It is truly remarkable. Note that one Republican legislator did speak out at the podium - AGAINST overriding the veto. More on this amazing anomaly below. Nature is always full of surprises.
The lack of a backbone also makes GOP invertebrates well adapted to slinking away at the first sign of danger. It is their primary method of defense when facing threats, such as having to defend their harmful and illogical behaviors ultimately performed to appease more powerful members of their species (or large numbers of the ill-informed base). Below, another Kansas Yellow-Belly variant splutters some nonsense in response to a constituent’s question/comment about helping veterans, attempting to distract angry constituents as it slips away. An amazing display of shallowness, subservience, and cowardice. Life always finds a way.
When put at risk, the Republican invertebrate is also capable of becoming very still, practically disappearing within its surroundings. Such risky situations include facing the need to defend its allies or its constituents against, and in front of, more powerful members of their species. Below we see an example of this performed by a Florida Deer-in-the-Headlights variety. Note the ability to relax the stiffness of the enclosing pressed suit in order to accomplish this behavioral strategy, made significantly easier by the lack of a backbone.
And even when given a wee bit of power, these Republican politicians will typically fall back on their cowardly lion behavioral strategies. Here we see another Kansas Yellow-Belly variant, who heads a House legislative committee, escape a risky situation when challenged by ending a hearing on a bill and clearing the room. The bill, with some exceptions, would prohibit unauthorized immigrants from receiving state or local public benefits. With 24 opponents and only one proponent (a common ratio for many Republican bills in the Kansas legislature), and equal overall time assigned to opponents and proponents, there “wasn’t time” to get to every opponent. When challenged at the unfairness of this, the Republican chair, driven by his spineless nature, masterfully cut the podium’s mic and ended the hearing.
As alluded to above, in a representative democracy, such Republican politician invertebrates are considered an invasive species. Particularly when flying under the radar (enhanced through chaos, instability, authoritarian wannabees, hyper-partisanship, lack of transparency, attacks on the media, the rise of white Christian nationalism, gross wealth disparities, etc.), they spread like weeds, and it can be particularly difficult to pull them out, roots and all (especially since invertebrate animals don’t have roots).
However, the invertebrate does not appear to be the only kind of Republican politician we find in nature. Though small in number, a few Republican politicians fascinatingly do seem to have a spine. And it is currently unclear among researchers what mutation has resulted in this trait among them. Examples include the Kansas Republican who spoke out against the anti-gender affirming care bill discussed above (video below). This was a level of bravery unparalleled among the many Kansas Yellow-Belly variants.
Perhaps even more surprising are the GOP politicians who seem to be able to spontaneously grow a spine under certain environmental conditions. This particular example of genotype-environment interaction is a fascinating area of study ripe for more research. For example, in what appears to be a response to constituent outrage and likely an earful from constituent businesses, some Republican politicians appear to be walking back (even if just slightly) their support of Musk’s chainsaw approach to government “efficiency”. Below we see an example of this from a Utah Milquetoast variety, even if still pretty mild as far as standing up to co-president Musk goes. If you look closely, you can almost see in it’s posture what appears to be the growth of a nascent spine. Almost.
What will the outcome of all this be? Will the invertebrate Republican politicians continue their invasive spread through the U.S. representative democracy? Undermining institutions, prosocial norms, and the commons? Laying waste to democracy and the physical environment? Or will a coalition of constituents from a variety of backgrounds, businesses, local governments, NGOs, and others be able to modify the political and social environment just enough to promote this fascinating and not quite yet understood genotype-environment interaction among the invertebrate Republican politicians.
We don’t yet know. But it’s likely now or never for this coalition to take action.
It’s not just about saving democracy. It’s also about saving ourselves.
Because the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing. Or twist themselves in a knot defending evil.
Brilliant 🇺🇸💙🇺🇸😎🤣